she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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