he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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