i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
