the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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