if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
