Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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