yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
