I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
