I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just had sex on a roof
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
