if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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