Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
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if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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