Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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