how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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