dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
