Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
