Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
