No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
