He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
