is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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