You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
