i just snorted my name. best moment ever
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
