I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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