Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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