Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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