Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
