he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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