I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I AM VODKA MAN
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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