I look better un-naked...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize