she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
