This is not my ceiling
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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