Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
