saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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