i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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