: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
