we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
