She said her name was "party"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My balls are so social today.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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