I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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