no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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