I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
