omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
