sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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