It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
