He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
