This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
