Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
