Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
