I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
