So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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