i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
