another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
