This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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