bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
