hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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