she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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