she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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