The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
