he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
