There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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