the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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