dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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