Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
