OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
